Do you worry a lot? More importantly, is it keeping you from accomplishing what you’re capable of in your work and life?

I’ve been a worrier for decades. As a pre-teen, I wrote a short story titled Yours Truly, Nervous Wreck (yes, autobiographical). At work, there was a saying, “Wall Street climbs a wall of worry” and I bought into that too.

Then, two years ago, I’d had enough! My worrying was draining my energy and sucking the fun out of everything.

More importantly, it was getting in the way of my mission: to help good people have great careers and become outstanding leaders who make the world a better place. I needed to become the kind of person who could fulfill those aspirations.

That’s when I started working on kicking the worry habit. Since then, I’ve made a serious dent in my worrying and I’ll share with you how I’ve done it.

But first…

Let’s talk about what I mean by worry (and what I don’t)

Some worries are real – like living in a war zone and worrying about survival. But here I’m talking about concerns about what might happen that feel real, but are mostly patterns of repetitive negative thinking.

I don’t know about you, but my worrying is powered by my “what if…” factory.

“What if I screw up the presentation? What if my peers are better than me? What if XYZ hates me? What if we run out of money?”

I’m talking about the ability to catastrophize about the worst-case scenario and then hang onto it. And this showed up big time at work.

When my boss asked to meet the next morning, I could hardly get any work done worrying that I was about to be fired. Or wasting hours worrying about the right way to phrase an email before pressing send. Or the implications of the department head not saying hello in the hallway – did he hate me? Would I never get promoted?

These are high-class worries and not to be confused with real worries. But even high-class worries can feel too real to ignore.

I’d been driving with the handbrake on. But how could I release the drag on my progress when it came to worrying?

How I made a significant dent in my worrying

One thing I knew was sheer force of will wasn’t going to work. I had tried to “make myself stop” worrying but it only made things worse. I’d get down on myself for worrying, which started another cycle of negative thinking.

Instead, I discovered these three actionable steps:

  • Realizing that worry is a habit
  • Noticing when worry kicks in so I can nip it in the bud
  • Preventing the worry from starting in the first place

While they’re not a magic wand that will make all worries disappear instantly, they are helping me make a significant dent in my worrying. Let’s see how they can help you too.

Realizing that my worry is a habit has been such a relief

While habits are hard to break, framing my worrying as just a mental habit that I’ve grooved was freeing. It means there’s nothing “wrong” with me. Phew!

Since I’ve been able to change my habits before (I no longer bite my nails or chain-watch Netflix episodes), this gave me confidence that I could change my worry habit as well.

I just have to stay on top of it and not get disappointed when it recurs. And every time I “get back on the horse”, it’s like strengthening my anti-worry muscles.

Noticing when my worry kicks in allows me to nip things in the bud

While noticing a behavior is the first step to changing it, having concrete tools and strategies keeps the worry from taking hold. Here are the handful that are working for me.

Doing “PQ reps”
These “positive intelligence” reps are short mindfulness exercises that help shift you from a state of worry or stress to a calm, focused, and positive state of mind. For example, noticing your breathing for two minutes or rubbing your thumb and finger together with such attention that you can feel the ridges.

This is part of Shirzad Chamine’s neuroscience-based Positive Intelligence™ program which identifies the “saboteurs” that cause one’s worry and uses “PQ reps” to bring you back into your “sage” brain. This training has had the biggest positive effect on taming my worry habit.

Stop, drop and replace
Once I notice the worrying self-talk starting, I stop the thought, drop it, and replace it with something else. For example, my mantra, “I control my thoughts, my thoughts don’t control me”. Or reminding myself I have a choice by saying, “I’m not responsible for the first thought that comes to my mind, but I AM responsible for what I do with it.”

Talking it through with someone
I have a handful of trusted people I can turn to for different types of worries. Saying things out loud helps me process them and regain my calm. But it’s important you choose people who can listen without judging or trying to “fix” you. And have more than one so you aren’t going to the same person constantly.

Asking logic questions
These questions have been highly effective, especially when I can’t talk to someone I trust. For example:

  • “Is this in my control or not?” If it is, then take action. Otherwise, let it go.
  • “Will I even remember this next week/next month/next year?” For me, 95% of the time the answer is “no”, so I can let it go.
  • “And then what?” This suggestion from a friend helps me either see the illogical extremes of my worry or realize it’s no big deal. Either way, I can let it go.
  • “What facts do I have to support this?” This came from another friend whose imagination was running wild while waiting for a diagnosis for a medical issue that her doctors were struggling to diagnose.

Pattern interrupt
When I’m worried, it’s helpful to change things up and do something else. For example, being in nature, exercising, putting on some music, getting up and moving to a different spot, or breathing.

I also tried these techniques

These haven’t been as effective for me as the ones above. But since each of us is different, these may be worth experimenting with as your experience may be different.

Journaling
It did help to get the thoughts out of my head and onto paper where I could work through solutions. But I found it hard to be consistent. If you can stick to this, it’s useful. Like a form of self-therapy.

Worry tree
I’ve been advised to hang my worries on a worry tree (literal or figurative) before you walk into your home. However, my worries didn’t always stay on the tree. But yours might. In any case, it’s a nice way to handle re-entry from the office to home.

Concentrated worry time
Set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes to focus solely on your worry. Once the timer goes off, it’s time to move on to other things. I found this was grooving my worry habit even more, but others seem to find it cathartic.

Preventing worry in the first place

In an ideal world, I prefer to head off worry before it even starts. This is where two strategies have worked well for me.

First, anticipating the situations that cause my worry habit to kick in and sidestepping them. For example, I know that reading or watching the news can start me worrying about the state of the world, most of which I can’t do anything about.

Now, I no longer start or end the day looking at my news feed. I can’t tell you how much lighter I feel during the day and I’m sleeping better at night (more on that in a moment).

And instead of worrying about the big presentation in a month’s time, I start to work on it right away while it’s fresh in my mind. This frees me from the dread and guilt that comes with procrastinating on a project I “should” have already started.

Best of all, side-stepping worry before it takes hold means it no longer sucks the joy out of my life and work.

The other strategy that’s working for me is to build my mental reserves so worry is unlikely to take root. This looks like:

  • Pre-reminding myself that “everything is going to be alright… all of it”. I say this to myself accompanied by slow, rhythmic breathing and visualizing myself standing at the Sun Gate at Machu Picchu, which was a peak spiritual experience for me.
  • Physical activity that releases positive brain chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. This is one of the reasons my CrossFit gym is my “happy place”. I feel great and no worries can touch me while I’m there or in the afterglow of serious exercise.
  • Getting enough sleep on a daily basis. When I’m tired, my thoughts are rubbish. So I’ve learned to prioritize sleep. That way, my brain is fresh and I’m less likely to default to old worry patterns.

Thanks to these strategies, I now have more energy than I did 10 years ago.

And, I’m pretty sure I’m more pleasant to be around, although my family and team are too polite to say so.

But what if you’ve tried “everything” and nothing is working?

It’s probably taken years for your worry habit to form, so don’t look for the ‘quick fix’ but have faith that you can improve.

Keep doing work on yourself, whether that’s through therapy or trying different strategies. It could be the cumulative effect of the steps you’re taking now that ends up reducing your worrying. And it could be about finding the combination of techniques that will unlock things for you.

When it comes to changing habits, it’s about progress, not perfection. So have some patience and give yourself grace.

Just don’t give up on yourself

Look back at the things you’ve worried about in the past year or two and see what has actually happened. Maybe you can’t even remember what those worries were, just the vague feeling of worry that you’ve carried around with you. Above all, keep going.

The cumulative effect of working on myself year after year means that my worry habit has gone from a giant red neon sign to a light pink Post-it that I can pick up and move out of view.

If I can become a better version of myself (with more gains to come!), you can too.

I hope some of these techniques will help you address your worry habit too so you can feel the same benefits I have. May you find your worry habit has faded into a pastel shade as well someday soon.

Whatever you do, just keep going.

How will you work on your worry habit? Leave a comment and let me know.