Have you ever talked yourself out of doing or saying something because you were afraid and later regretted it?

Like being afraid to mention an idea in a meeting only to have a colleague make the same point and get all the praise.

Or not applying for a role because you don’t meet all the qualifications only to find out the job went to somebody with even fewer qualifications than you.

I’ve seen countless high-potential professionals (including myself) miss opportunities because they let fear get in the way, so they hesitated or talked themselves out of taking action.

Why does this happen? What causes perfectly capable people to give in to fear, play it safe and not go for things?

Blame it on the brain

There’s a part of the brain that’s responsible for keeping us safe from risk. For some of us, it’s the fear of failure, which leads to embarrassment and shame. For others, it could be the risk of success – the kind that alienates our colleagues, friends and family.

While that fear-based part of your brain was essential in prehistoric days to signal you should run when a hairy mammoth comes at you, it’s not so useful now when there are mostly psychological threats. In fact, it can keep you from going for opportunities, making a bigger impact and living your best life.

Playing it safe can have serious negative consequences for your career

For Stu, playing it safe meant keeping his head down, working hard and not making waves. Instead of putting himself forward, he stuck to the role he knew, doing the same things in the same way, waiting for his turn to be tapped for a bigger role.

But that role never came. It was as though he was invisible to management, staying stuck while others zoomed past him because they were willing to take some risks. Not crazy risks, but calculated risks like expressing their desire to present at the client meeting, develop leadership skills, or represent the company at the industry conference.

The problem with “acts of omission”

These acts of omission are the things you thought of doing but didn’t take action on because you talked yourself out of it. They’re the times you didn’t stand up for what you believed in. The moments when you didn’t back yourself and your aspirations.

Your acts of omission are more often the cause for regret than the things you did do – your acts of commission.

After all, when the things you do turn out badly, you still learn from them, which is a win. And even a negative outcome can create connections, relationships, and experiences that put you in a great position for future opportunities.

Like the time I took on the challenge of “cold-calling” prospects in the Southeast Region as a junior associate. I came back with no business. However, the fact that I had the courage to try elevated my standing with the senior managing directors and gave me the confidence to talk to clients on my own, both of which helped me advance in my career later on.

Taking action usually leads to opportunities, even if you can’t see them right away. But the regret from not taking action just because you’re afraid eats away at you over time and chips away at your sense of self-belief.

So, what can we do to overcome the fear that holds us back from taking action toward our aspirations?

It’s time to back yourself

Start with these three steps to overcome the fear holding you back:

1. Identify the cause of your hesitation

Is it advice you received from someone you respect? Is it a societal expectation that’s ingrained in you? Is it your own prehistoric “lizard brain“ trying to protect you from imagined harm that’s holding you back from shining your light brightly?

2. Assess whether it’s legitimate

Ask yourself, “What facts do I have to support this?” It’s like those courtroom dramas where the judge disallows hearsay evidence that’s not based on anything factual. You just need to remember to be the defense lawyer who leaps to their feet to say “Objection!” to stop the negative thought that isn't supported by facts.

3. Address any legitimate concerns

You achieve this by negotiating for what you need, or creating an experiment that doesn’t bet your career but still gives you information that you are on the right track.

For example, if you’re afraid you’ll burn out if you take the ambitious new opportunity, see if you can negotiate for staff support, establish boundaries and set realistic expectations. And if you’re worried about asking your boss for a raise, you can experiment by practicing your script with a trusted mentor.

At some point, it’s time to acknowledge the fear and do it anyway. You’ll be surprised at how much you can accomplish when you learn to do things scared. And you’ll be delighted with how backing yourself will build your confidence and set you up for future opportunities.

But what if you can’t afford to risk your job or career?

Whether it’s being the main breadwinner in your family or finally being in the career you dreamed of, it’s natural to want to hold on to what you have and not rock the proverbial boat.

But don’t use that as an excuse to play small. Backing yourself means taking proactive steps to put yourself in the best position to reach your aspirations and make a meaningful contribution in your sphere of influence.

You don’t need to be an intrepid explorer who sets out to sail around the world to prove the world is round and not flat. It’s about taking steps, even if they’re baby steps.

Remember, careers are built on momentum. And taking steps toward your bigger goals is what starts the momentum going in your favor.

Just don’t make the mistake of letting your fear keep you playing small

You have too much to offer the world. So don’t talk yourself out of backing yourself and going for it. You’ll feel more energized and create more opportunities.

So enough with the acts of omission. It’s time to back yourself and play bigger.

Notice when you start talking yourself out of going for things, whether that’s speaking up, signing up or negotiating for what you deserve. And leap up and say, “Objection!” to put those fearful thoughts back in their place. Then go for it. All of it.

A golden opportunity to back yourself

If you’re a senior leader who’s still debating whether to put yourself forward for my Career Mastery Leadership Accelerator program (CMLA), this is a great moment to back yourself and apply.

You’ll gain the essential skills to lead at a higher level where challenges are more complex, decisions carry greater impact, and more is at stake.

You will come away with practical strategies for communicating with gravitas, driving results at the next level, bringing out the best in your team, and more.

Most importantly, you will leave with confidence in yourself, your decisions, and your ability to tackle career challenges as they come.

Learn more and apply to CMLA 2025

Applications close on Friday, November 29th.

Don’t let fear stop you from going for it!